We can’t ever get rid of shame, but can minimize the impact and potential damage it can have on our business relationships.
Shame, according to famous researcher Brene Brown, is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
What can do with it then? We can develop resilience to shame.
When you start to feel small and not enough, rather than get mad and angry and lash at coworkers, boss or clients or bringing yourself down with negative self-talk, tell yourself something different.
“I’m in a moment where I’m feeling shame. I refuse to talk, text or type what happened until I can process it more fully.” Take a walk around the block. Listen to some music. Read a chapter in a book. Go for a run. Meditate. Whatever it is, do that before you do anything else.
You’ll be able to process it more and ask yourself what triggered that feeling of shame. Remember, to talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love and care about.
“Geeze, I really screwed that up. I need to circle back with some folks, be accountable and clean it up. And I need to give myself a break.”
You can also have a conversation about it with someone you trust. Shame can’t survive being spoken about. Shame lives in silence, secrets, and self-judgment. You destroy when you talk about it. Your courage speaking about it filters shame out your life.
That will help you figure out how to have a conversation about it.
You’ll find you’ll get into fewer conflicts and do much less damage to your relationships
We all struggle with shame, and most of us will continue to do that. But how you handle it is a different story. You can either own your story and write the next chapter or let the world around you write your story about you.