Here is a question I got from a person from Amazon on my book Social Wealth.He is asking what other things he could do to have more business success (that includes building better business relationships) The key is self-awareness through pattern recognition. Let me explain why.
Your level of self-awareness is either equal to or greater than your social awareness.
That means if you have low self-awareness your ability to lead and manage others will be very poor. Well, studies find that only 10% of people are actually self-aware. I believe that number is actually high.
I’m sharing our (abridged) conversation below.
Here is the key takeaway (if you don’t time to read the conversation):
Rapid behavioral change comes down to pattern recognition – connecting the pattern with the payoff.
Once you see a pattern, you then can figure out the best course of action(s). And your more committed to taking action because you realize you are not “broken.” You are not a bad person. You’ve just done something for so long it’s apart of who you are.
It’s about connecting your past history with your current behavior. Often times what benefitted you in the past no longer serves you now.
For example, if you grew up in a household of six kids and had to talk over others to be heard, it’s no wonder you are a poor listener. Your payoff was talking over others got mommy and daddy to listen to me. You learned that not listening benefitted you. But now not listening is hurting your productivity and leadership of your team so you have to change.
Obviously, listening is a key component of building great relationships. But you’ve got to make that linkage to create the behavioral change.
Here in lies the big challenge: If your self-awareness is low, you will miss-read the external patterns consistently even though you will believe the opposite.
Experience doesn’t change our brain’s wiring near as fast or as much as understanding the patterns that sabotage our success.
Nikolay: Thanks for the link to the team building game. Are there other Social Wealth Tools, Processes or Mindsets I need to know about?
Me: This is a good article. The article is from Harvard Business Review’s Januar 2018 on self- a
nd social-social awareness.
“In 10 separate investigations with nearly 5,000 participants, we examined what self-awareness really is, why we need it, and how we can increase it.
Our research revealed many surprising roadblocks, myths, and truths about what self-awareness is and what it takes to improve it. We’ve found that even though most people believe they are self-aware, self-awareness is a truly rare quality: We estimate that only 10%–15% of the people we studied actually fit the criteria.”
The biggest challenge to building relationships, personally and professionally, is our own blind spots and patterns that sabotage our success. Cultivating your own self-awareness is the single best thing you can do.
Nikolay: Thanks for the great article Jason. So building social skills is not only understanding other people but also understanding yourself on a deeper level. That also means self-awareness is key.
Me: Yes. Self-Awareness is the key to great relationships. It starts on the inside. Then you can operate in a much more powerful state. And it’s not just confidence or mindset.
It’s identifying blind spots and unconscious patterns/habits you’ve been doing probably your whole life. Could also be a traumatic event.
Then finding ways to move past them.
For example, if you grew up in a household of 6 kids and had to talk over others to be heard, it’s no wonder you are a poor listener. Listening is a key component of building great relationships. You’ve got to make that linkage to create the behavioral change.
Nikolay: So its self-examination plus working from the inside-out. I think that being a good listener means that you put him or her first, not yourself. Again thank you for the great advice Jason. You live and breathe what you preach in your book
Me: Yes
Rapid behavioral change comes down to pattern recognition – connecting the pattern with the payoff.
Once you see a pattern, you then can figure out the best course of action(s). And your more committed to taking action because you realize you are not “broken.” You are not a bad person. You’ve just done something for so long it’s apart of who you are.
It’s about connecting your past history with your current behavior. Often times what benefitted you in the past no longer serves you now.
Here in lies the big challenge: If your self-awareness is low, you will miss-read the external patterns consistently even though you will believe the opposite.
Experience doesn’t change our brain’s wiring near as fast or as much as understanding the patterns that sabotage our success.
Nikolay: So there are many keys to achieve a goal but if a person wants to be consistent a person has to understand his or her failure and success patterns. That means also being true to yourself not only to others. I had recognized this pattern but now since you also confirmed it means that self-reflection is a must.
