Here are 3 steps to quickly forgive anyone. Everyone has had people in their lives that have hurt you or wounded you (emotionally, psychologically or possibly even physically). This could have happened at work or in our personal/social lives.
Many people have trouble moving forward because they are holding onto anger, resentment, and shame. They have never really dealt with their pain, and in many instances, just buried the pain deep inside themselves. They’ve built up walls to not get hurt again, but you also trap the pain in those walls.
This pain we have inside is ultimately what defines us unless we let it go. It’s time to take a sledgehammer to those walls and bust through!
Forgiveness is a requirement to move forward personally and professionally.
Here’s what’s great: Forgiveness is a unilateral step, which means that it only takes one person to forgive. So, this means that you alone are responsible for forgiving or accepting forgiveness. You don’t have to include the other person in the process.
Caveat: If you are trying to build a relationship or want to interact with the other person, then you have to include them in the process at some point.
Step 1: Write a note (either handwritten or digital) to the person who hurt you. Tell them what they did (and their role), how this affected you then, and how it is affecting you now. Next, tell them that you forgive them, and why. Say anything else you feel.
Step 2: Take the note, walk to a mirror, and close your eyes and think of that person. Next, open your eyes, and read your note to yourself, while looking into the mirror. Let your emotions flow out and don’t hold anything back.
Next, take a few minutes to process what just happened. The best thing is to take a walk outside. How are you feeling? Is there anything else you need to do to let this go?
Step 3 (optional): If you are trying to reconcile someone, you need to contact them and do it face-to-face. You want to tell them they are important to you (i.e. you care about them) and you have something important to say to them. Finally, you want to tell them you want them in your life moving forward.
When you meet, you want to show them you are grateful they came. I’d also recommend some physical greeting like a hug. Next, you want to read your note to them. It’s important to stay open, vulnerable, honest, direct and transparent during the conversation.
You also want to have them share their thoughts and feelings. Many time we create stories about what is going on in the other person’s mind that isn’t accurate.
At the end of the engagement, be clear on what you want to happen next. Do you need to meet again? Do you need to talk about this? Also, be grateful they took the time and courage to show up and engage.
Remember, you can’t control what anyone says or do. You can only control what you do or say. The most important part of the process is to take your power back and let it go!
