by Jason Treu | Mar 11, 2018
Here are 3 steps to quickly forgive anyone. Everyone has had people in their lives that have hurt you or wounded you (emotionally, psychologically or possibly even physically). This could have happened at work or in our personal/social lives.
Many people have trouble moving forward because they are holding onto anger, resentment, and shame. They have never really dealt with their pain, and in many instances, just buried the pain deep inside themselves. They’ve built up walls to not get hurt again, but you also trap the pain in those walls.
This pain we have inside is ultimately what defines us unless we let it go. It’s time to take a sledgehammer to those walls and bust through!
Forgiveness is a requirement to move forward personally and professionally.
Here’s what’s great: Forgiveness is a unilateral step, which means that it only takes one person to forgive. So, this means that you alone are responsible for forgiving or accepting forgiveness. You don’t have to include the other person in the process.
Caveat: If you are trying to build a relationship or want to interact with the other person, then you have to include them in the process at some point.
Step 1: Write a note (either handwritten or digital) to the person who hurt you. Tell them what they did (and their role), how this affected you then, and how it is affecting you now. Next, tell them that you forgive them, and why. Say anything else you feel.
Step 2: Take the note, walk to a mirror, and close your eyes and think of that person. Next, open your eyes, and read your note to yourself, while looking into the mirror. Let your emotions flow out and don’t hold anything back.
Next, take a few minutes to process what just happened. The best thing is to take a walk outside. How are you feeling? Is there anything else you need to do to let this go?
Step 3 (optional): If you are trying to reconcile someone, you need to contact them and do it face-to-face. You want to tell them they are important to you (i.e. you care about them) and you have something important to say to them. Finally, you want to tell them you want them in your life moving forward.
When you meet, you want to show them you are grateful they came. I’d also recommend some physical greeting like a hug. Next, you want to read your note to them. It’s important to stay open, vulnerable, honest, direct and transparent during the conversation.
You also want to have them share their thoughts and feelings. Many time we create stories about what is going on in the other person’s mind that isn’t accurate.
At the end of the engagement, be clear on what you want to happen next. Do you need to meet again? Do you need to talk about this? Also, be grateful they took the time and courage to show up and engage.
Remember, you can’t control what anyone says or do. You can only control what you do or say. The most important part of the process is to take your power back and let it go!
by Jason Treu | Mar 9, 2018
Forgiveness is a unilateral step, which means that it only takes one person to forgive. So, this means that you alone are responsible for forgiving or accepting forgiveness. You don’t have to include the other person in the process. That means you are in charge. You hold the ultimate power. So let it go!!!
by Jason Treu | Mar 7, 2018
I was out at dinner last night in Los Angeles with a very good friend from college. We’ve lost touch over the years, but we’ve got a chance to see each, here and there. It’s always nice to see him because we just pick up where we left off.
We were talking about losing touch with people and the power of reaching out and reconnecting.
And there are A LOT of people that never try to reach out again after they haven’t spoken with a friend in a long time.
So I asked myself this morning: Is the fear of reaching out greater than the regret of never doing it?
It’s hard to take the first step. But it is much worse to live with “could of, should of.”
Independently of that conversation, I’ve been asking successful people what their biggest 3 regrets are as they look back over their life.
Hint: it’s not about working more!
Here are the top 3:
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by Jason Treu | Mar 7, 2018
The most transformative leaders understand and stay curious about how emotions affect them and understand the emotions of the people they engage with. I call this understanding their emotional landscape.
A critical skill set in being a great leader and in selling (ideas or products) is having empathy for others. Well, you can’t empathize with the emotions of other people if you can’t understand your own.
Also, your emotions are highly contagious. They spread faster than a cold on an airplane. If you are negative and unhappy, you will impact everyone around you including their performance.
What can you do? Spend time cultivating your emotional intelligence by:
- Monitoring your impulsive actions: It’s rising above arguments, jealousies, and frustrations. The number one way here is to wait to respond to others especially when you feel strong emotions coming on. Also, don’t get involved in negativity or gossip. Bridge the conversation to something else if you are in a conversation where someone turns negative.
- Improving your self-awareness: Be aware how your moods, behaviors, and actions are affecting you and other people.
- Being more empathetic: It’s about putting yourself in other people’s shoes and seeing a situation from their point of view. Try to imagine yourself being them in a situation and thinking about how you’d feel and act. You don’t need to have the same experience as them though. It’s about a common emotional experience. For example, you don’t have to be fired to know what disappointment feels like.
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by Jason Treu | Mar 5, 2018
I’m going to show you 5 lessons on how you can run a 4 minute mile like Roger Bannister, and reach any goal you desire. I know…you are already saying, “that’s not possible! I can barely run a 10-minute mile.” No one believed in Roger either. No one believes in your goal, whatever it may be. But that doesn’t matter. The only person that needs to believe it is YOU.
One of my goals in 2018 is to qualify for the Boston Marathon. That’s something very few people do in their first year of running (and I’ve never run more than 5 miles at a time before Thanksgiving 2017). What’s one your goals for this year?
In 1954 Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute mile record. He accomplished something that shattered what people thought was physically and psychologically impossible. Medical personnel and other theorists said that breaking this barrier may be deadly for human beings. Obviously, they were wrong.
What is crazy is that his record only lasted 46 days until John Landry broke it. Once Roger Bannister showed it was possible others then followed.
The 4-minute mile and it being an impossible barrier was a story people made-up and others believed. Limits are self-created not reality.
Roger Bannister shattered that story and myth like you can with any goal.
First of all, just like you, he didn’t have unlimited time or resources. He worked a day job and sometimes could only get in 30-40 minutes of training in each day. He had to run during his lunch breaks, and then go back to work again.
What’s the first lesson? Progress, not perfection.
Second lesson: He broke down the goal into manageable steps (literally!). He broke down every step of the race and figured out how fast/long each stride had to be. He didn’t try to run “as fast as he could run.”
He had a calculated plan to work towards. But even with his plan, sometimes the only thing he could do was run hard because he had limited time. This goes right back to lesson one.
Third lesson: If you get support, any goal becomes much easier. Bannister recruited friends Chris Brasher and Chris Chataway to pace him during the race.
Fourth lesson: It comes down to self-belief. No one thought this was possible except for Roger Bannister (and John Landry) at the time. He had to block out the noise and follow his own path.
Fifth lesson: It comes down to “drive,” not “motivation.” Motivation is fleeting. It’s there and then gone.
Drive comes down to answering two critical questions “why am I doing this?” and “what am I lacking that makes me want this so bad?”
Use these 5 lessons to help you achieve any goal you want. Look, you’ll most likely never be to do all five steps 100% every single day, and that’s not the point. 70-80% will be plenty to achieve it. Remember, lesson one…progress, not perfection.
So what’s one goal you can set today? It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be something you haven’t done yet.
PS – Bonus 6th lesson: Even after Roger got the record he was criticized. John Landry said he “got help” from others to run the race. Landry broke his record. But that wasn’t the end. They raced each other in the race of the century. Landry lead and Roger won right at the end. Your critics won’t ever go away. Stop listening to the noise.
by Jason Treu | Mar 4, 2018
Today we will be discussion Part 2 of “Best Places to Go to Build a Powerful and Influential Network.”
How often have we heard that relationships are our greatest asset without seeing behaviors that back it up? Real business success is extremely difficult without building great relationships. So it’s time invest!
As we discussed in Part 1, practicing your social, communication and emotional skill sets is absolutely critical to getting better at the relationship building process.
It’s also necessary to practice those skills in the right places to build powerful and influential relationships that will help you and your network.
Let’s continue to discuss the key places you should go to.
Charities and Nonprofits
I am a huge proponent of going to charity and nonprofits (i.e. museums, symphony, opera, etc.) events. Most of these organizations have monthly or quarterly events, and some have a gala event once a year.
Charity, nonprofit, networking, and other happy hour events are really great because they are usually held in the middle of the week when there are not many other events happening, and they are typically inexpensive (i.e., $10-$15 with a drink and sometimes appetizers). You can go out for just a couple of hours in the early evening and typically be home before nine o’clock.
Many of the people going to these events are very well connected and very social professionals and business executives, and they have large networks of their own that you can tap into. People are also much more open to meeting others, and much less guarded, at these events, compared to other environments.
The setting makes it easier to break the ice in initial conversations because you can ask people if they are a member of the organization, etc. This makes it much easier to meet people and overcome your own social anxiety.
As you continue to go to these events, you will start recognizing the same people. Why? Because many people are involved in several charities, nonprofits, cultural and networking organizations, and they go to their events regularly. Plus, they are often socially mobile professionals who will be out and about in your city doing social things.
Soon they will start responding to you like they’ve run into an old friend. Chances are, they will actually be seeing you more than they see a lot of their very good friends.
That’s why this is a great opportunity to build new relationships and expand your network quickly!
You’ll also find that some people may have been associated with the same organizations for years but have barely spoken to each other. You can help them connect and make new connections for yourself, and that’s an important opportunity. It’s a way to really take your life to the next level!
If you find a group that does something you feel passionate about, take it to next level and volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to meet more people in an organization. Just contact the organizer and say, “Hey, if you need any help, I’m available.” The organizer typically will introduce you to other volunteers, so you will quickly get to know people involved in the organization.
If you have a high level of social anxiety, volunteer before the event starts so you can get used to the environment and meet a few people in the organization. Just go to the website or the Facebook page and see who is in charge of membership and events. Contact them and say that you would like to volunteer for their next event. I’d say in the email that you’d like to work the check-in table at the start of the event. In many instances, you can also go to the event for free if you volunteer (even an expensive gala event). If you work the check-in table, you can meet many of the people at the event as they come in. This makes it easier to work the room later because you will have already met them once and built some initial rapport.
Next, the golf course is the place where a lot of networking and business deals get done. It is a great sport to learn to play because of the connections you can make on and off the golf course. You can join a country club, golf association, or participate in the myriad of golf charity outings that go on year round.
Here are a few other great places to go:
- Chamber of Commerce
- Key Professional & Trade Associations
- InterNations (for international connections)
- Alumni organizations (college or graduate)
Finally, you’ll want to target places where your prospects and other key business targets go.
The first part of building a powerful network is going to the right places to practice. Create your target list and start going to the events. You will start to see your opportunities both personally and professionally expand significantly.
I want to leave you a quote by Dr. Ivan Misner: “First, you have to be visible in the community. You have to get out there and connect with people. It’s not called net-sitting or net-eating. It’s called networking. You have work at it.”
Jason Treu is an executive coach. You can listen to his podcast on Executive Breakthroughs. You can get his #1 bestseller, Social Wealth on Amazon (#socialwealth #socialwealthpdf).
