by Jason Treu | Mar 7, 2018
I was out at dinner last night in Los Angeles with a very good friend from college. We’ve lost touch over the years, but we’ve got a chance to see each, here and there. It’s always nice to see him because we just pick up where we left off.
We were talking about losing touch with people and the power of reaching out and reconnecting.
And there are A LOT of people that never try to reach out again after they haven’t spoken with a friend in a long time.
So I asked myself this morning: Is the fear of reaching out greater than the regret of never doing it?
It’s hard to take the first step. But it is much worse to live with “could of, should of.”
Independently of that conversation, I’ve been asking successful people what their biggest 3 regrets are as they look back over their life.
Hint: it’s not about working more!
Here are the top 3:
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by Jason Treu | Mar 7, 2018
The most transformative leaders understand and stay curious about how emotions affect them and understand the emotions of the people they engage with. I call this understanding their emotional landscape.
A critical skill set in being a great leader and in selling (ideas or products) is having empathy for others. Well, you can’t empathize with the emotions of other people if you can’t understand your own.
Also, your emotions are highly contagious. They spread faster than a cold on an airplane. If you are negative and unhappy, you will impact everyone around you including their performance.
What can you do? Spend time cultivating your emotional intelligence by:
- Monitoring your impulsive actions: It’s rising above arguments, jealousies, and frustrations. The number one way here is to wait to respond to others especially when you feel strong emotions coming on. Also, don’t get involved in negativity or gossip. Bridge the conversation to something else if you are in a conversation where someone turns negative.
- Improving your self-awareness: Be aware how your moods, behaviors, and actions are affecting you and other people.
- Being more empathetic: It’s about putting yourself in other people’s shoes and seeing a situation from their point of view. Try to imagine yourself being them in a situation and thinking about how you’d feel and act. You don’t need to have the same experience as them though. It’s about a common emotional experience. For example, you don’t have to be fired to know what disappointment feels like.
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by Jason Treu | Mar 6, 2018
Quick Lesson #3: “Will I be more or less fulfilled in 5 years if I do this?”
Is a great question to ask yourself to guide your decisions.
It’s not about happiness. It’s not about success (alone). It’s about the highest level, fulfillment.
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by Jason Treu | Mar 6, 2018
To take a calculated risk, you have to believe in yourself & believe that you can pick up the pieces after failure.
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by Jason Treu | Mar 6, 2018
Quick lesson #1: Failure does the most damage in your life when it negatively affects what you do next. Ego, lessons, etc. are painful, but there is no future negative impact unless you allow it.
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by Jason Treu | Mar 5, 2018
I’m going to show you 5 lessons on how you can run a 4 minute mile like Roger Bannister, and reach any goal you desire. I know…you are already saying, “that’s not possible! I can barely run a 10-minute mile.” No one believed in Roger either. No one believes in your goal, whatever it may be. But that doesn’t matter. The only person that needs to believe it is YOU.
One of my goals in 2018 is to qualify for the Boston Marathon. That’s something very few people do in their first year of running (and I’ve never run more than 5 miles at a time before Thanksgiving 2017). What’s one your goals for this year?
In 1954 Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute mile record. He accomplished something that shattered what people thought was physically and psychologically impossible. Medical personnel and other theorists said that breaking this barrier may be deadly for human beings. Obviously, they were wrong.
What is crazy is that his record only lasted 46 days until John Landry broke it. Once Roger Bannister showed it was possible others then followed.
The 4-minute mile and it being an impossible barrier was a story people made-up and others believed. Limits are self-created not reality.
Roger Bannister shattered that story and myth like you can with any goal.
First of all, just like you, he didn’t have unlimited time or resources. He worked a day job and sometimes could only get in 30-40 minutes of training in each day. He had to run during his lunch breaks, and then go back to work again.
What’s the first lesson? Progress, not perfection.
Second lesson: He broke down the goal into manageable steps (literally!). He broke down every step of the race and figured out how fast/long each stride had to be. He didn’t try to run “as fast as he could run.”
He had a calculated plan to work towards. But even with his plan, sometimes the only thing he could do was run hard because he had limited time. This goes right back to lesson one.
Third lesson: If you get support, any goal becomes much easier. Bannister recruited friends Chris Brasher and Chris Chataway to pace him during the race.
Fourth lesson: It comes down to self-belief. No one thought this was possible except for Roger Bannister (and John Landry) at the time. He had to block out the noise and follow his own path.
Fifth lesson: It comes down to “drive,” not “motivation.” Motivation is fleeting. It’s there and then gone.
Drive comes down to answering two critical questions “why am I doing this?” and “what am I lacking that makes me want this so bad?”
Use these 5 lessons to help you achieve any goal you want. Look, you’ll most likely never be to do all five steps 100% every single day, and that’s not the point. 70-80% will be plenty to achieve it. Remember, lesson one…progress, not perfection.
So what’s one goal you can set today? It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be something you haven’t done yet.
PS – Bonus 6th lesson: Even after Roger got the record he was criticized. John Landry said he “got help” from others to run the race. Landry broke his record. But that wasn’t the end. They raced each other in the race of the century. Landry lead and Roger won right at the end. Your critics won’t ever go away. Stop listening to the noise.
by Jason Treu | Mar 4, 2018
Today we will be discussion Part 2 of “Best Places to Go to Build a Powerful and Influential Network.”
How often have we heard that relationships are our greatest asset without seeing behaviors that back it up? Real business success is extremely difficult without building great relationships. So it’s time invest!
As we discussed in Part 1, practicing your social, communication and emotional skill sets is absolutely critical to getting better at the relationship building process.
It’s also necessary to practice those skills in the right places to build powerful and influential relationships that will help you and your network.
Let’s continue to discuss the key places you should go to.
Charities and Nonprofits
I am a huge proponent of going to charity and nonprofits (i.e. museums, symphony, opera, etc.) events. Most of these organizations have monthly or quarterly events, and some have a gala event once a year.
Charity, nonprofit, networking, and other happy hour events are really great because they are usually held in the middle of the week when there are not many other events happening, and they are typically inexpensive (i.e., $10-$15 with a drink and sometimes appetizers). You can go out for just a couple of hours in the early evening and typically be home before nine o’clock.
Many of the people going to these events are very well connected and very social professionals and business executives, and they have large networks of their own that you can tap into. People are also much more open to meeting others, and much less guarded, at these events, compared to other environments.
The setting makes it easier to break the ice in initial conversations because you can ask people if they are a member of the organization, etc. This makes it much easier to meet people and overcome your own social anxiety.
As you continue to go to these events, you will start recognizing the same people. Why? Because many people are involved in several charities, nonprofits, cultural and networking organizations, and they go to their events regularly. Plus, they are often socially mobile professionals who will be out and about in your city doing social things.
Soon they will start responding to you like they’ve run into an old friend. Chances are, they will actually be seeing you more than they see a lot of their very good friends.
That’s why this is a great opportunity to build new relationships and expand your network quickly!
You’ll also find that some people may have been associated with the same organizations for years but have barely spoken to each other. You can help them connect and make new connections for yourself, and that’s an important opportunity. It’s a way to really take your life to the next level!
If you find a group that does something you feel passionate about, take it to next level and volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to meet more people in an organization. Just contact the organizer and say, “Hey, if you need any help, I’m available.” The organizer typically will introduce you to other volunteers, so you will quickly get to know people involved in the organization.
If you have a high level of social anxiety, volunteer before the event starts so you can get used to the environment and meet a few people in the organization. Just go to the website or the Facebook page and see who is in charge of membership and events. Contact them and say that you would like to volunteer for their next event. I’d say in the email that you’d like to work the check-in table at the start of the event. In many instances, you can also go to the event for free if you volunteer (even an expensive gala event). If you work the check-in table, you can meet many of the people at the event as they come in. This makes it easier to work the room later because you will have already met them once and built some initial rapport.
Next, the golf course is the place where a lot of networking and business deals get done. It is a great sport to learn to play because of the connections you can make on and off the golf course. You can join a country club, golf association, or participate in the myriad of golf charity outings that go on year round.
Here are a few other great places to go:
- Chamber of Commerce
- Key Professional & Trade Associations
- InterNations (for international connections)
- Alumni organizations (college or graduate)
Finally, you’ll want to target places where your prospects and other key business targets go.
The first part of building a powerful network is going to the right places to practice. Create your target list and start going to the events. You will start to see your opportunities both personally and professionally expand significantly.
I want to leave you a quote by Dr. Ivan Misner: “First, you have to be visible in the community. You have to get out there and connect with people. It’s not called net-sitting or net-eating. It’s called networking. You have work at it.”
Jason Treu is an executive coach. You can listen to his podcast on Executive Breakthroughs. You can get his #1 bestseller, Social Wealth on Amazon (#socialwealth #socialwealthpdf).
by Jason Treu | Mar 3, 2018
Do you want to become a better leader and manager?
Do you want to eliminate the unconscious patterns that are holding you back in your business and career?
Do you want to increase to build an extremely high performing team?
Are you unsure of the next step in career?
These are just some of the areas I can help you and/or your team.
Schedule a 20-minute Free “Scale Your Career Call” here ►►►http://goo.gl/MvoH9d
My Guarantee for the Call:
1) We’re going to have a good look at your current situation —what’s working and what’s not.
2) We’ll have a look at where you want to go and find out what’s possible.
3) We’ll identify the patterns and blindspots holding you back
4) We’ll map out a quick three-step action plan to get you started moving in the right direction.
5) You’re going to leave clear, confident and excited that you can get to the next level.
6) I’ll give you a copy of my bestseller, “Social Wealth,” which has sold more than 50,000 copies on Amazon. And some other free tools that will increase your team’s performance within 45 minutes.
You’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Let’s talk and see if we may be a good fit to work together. If not, you’ll leave the call with new insights, tools and a plan of action you can implement on your own.
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by Jason Treu | Mar 3, 2018
Learning how to tell stories is a critical business skill that not many people talk about. It’s how extraordinary leaders motivate others. It’s how exceptional salespeople sell more. It’s how companies get people to buy their products. It’s how startup founders get venture and angel investors.
Adept storytellers captivate strangers using compelling stories that are vulnerable and tell the other person important information about them. Everyone has a story to tell and a history. Use it to your advantage and influence others positively, while you are at it!
People want to know the “real” you. They want to know the story behind what you are doing. Don’t hide or try to put on a front. It’s your chance to show a little vulnerability.
And all courage is linked with vulnerability. That’s very attractive to people (i.e. like bees to honey!)
Your story reveals your truth and who you are. Developing an emotional narrative will help build rapport and develop the foundation for deep, meaningful professional relationships.
Stories can also illustrate your unique approach to business and can help establish your authority.
I want to walk you through a two-part process how to come up with your stories and how to use them.
1) Use the below framework to think about what stories in your life you should use and also that authentically communicates who you are.
- Why is this story important to me to share with others? Will it liberate, educate, and/or entertain?
- Why will other people care to hear about it? Could they be going through it or someone they know?
- Do they need to know they’re not alone?
- Will they understand me and what I’m trying to say better?
- Could this story be helpful to others? Apply it in their lives? Use it for inspiration or in a challenging situation?
If you get stuck ask yourself questions like: “What am I most excited about in my life right now?” “What projects am I working about that I am passionate about?” “What has been the biggest obstacle in my life and how did I get past it?”
2) Use this process when you are engaged in a conversation
- Would this story BENEFIT this person in some way – get them to laugh, smile, think, etc.? If yes, share it! No? Don’t tell this story and try something else. If you are unsure, tell it and you’ll find out.
- What topics have this person already spoken about or shown interest in? Is that a part of my story? If yes, tell it! No? Change your story so you don’t bore the other person to death.
- After I share my story is the person engaged? How’s their body language…closed or open? Are they actively listening? Are they present or looking around the room? If yes, continue the conversation. If no, just politely excuse yourself and speak to someone else.
Your to-dos:
Use this framework to come up with your stories and use them.
Extra tip when you first meet someone: I also use a five-minute rule (and you can extend it to 10 minutes if the conversation is going really well). Talk to someone for no more than five minutes, exchange contact information and move on. Too many people limit their opportunities because they don’t meet enough people. It’s a numbers game until you get to know someone well enough to make a significant investment.
Want help developing your story, building relationships and becoming an extraordinary leader? Schedule a 20-minute “Scale Your Career Call” here ►►►http://goo.gl/MvoH9d
My Guarantee for the Call:
1) We’re going to have a good look at your current situation —what’s working and what’s not.
2) We’ll have a look at where you want to go and find out what’s possible.
3) We’ll identify the patterns and blindspots holding you back
4) We’ll map out a quick three-step action plan to get you started moving in the right direction.
5) You’re going to leave clear, confident and excited that you can get to the next level.
by Jason Treu | Mar 2, 2018
“How can I be more confident?” “What can I do to gain more confidence?”
We all want the elusive secret.
We think, “If only I felt more sure of myself, I’d go up to strangers at cocktail parties. Easily get in front of a room and give a talk. Score the promotion at work, instead of watching that guy in the next cubicle get it instead. I’d have more money, be a leader, live the life I want.”
But here’s the conundrum…
We don’t feel confident…to do what it takes to be confident!
I’m going to show you an escape hatch to get out of this tricky self-doubt loop.
First, let’s discuss the thinking that creates it.
“I’ve never been confident??!! So how could I ever be?”
When we lack something in our lives, we see the world through a scarcity mentality. We think of all the times we didn’t have something. We see all the evidence of where we weren’t confident. Sure we may find a time when we were more confident, but we rationalize it as the EXCEPTION NOT THE RULE. Like the saying goes, “seek and ye shall find.”
“That person was born with these skills. They’re a natural at it!”
People assume because someone is confident in one area in their lives, they’ve always been that way. Well, that’s just not correct. No one is born confident. Confidence is a learned behavior. But it’s not a skill you master by brushing your teeth. In order to have confidence, you have to take a leap of faith to create evidence. You become confident by proving to yourself that you are.
“Success has made them confident! If I could do that or have that, I’d be confident too!”
Haven’t you ever met someone who was successful or wealthy who: 1) wasn’t confident? and/or 2) was obsessed with what people thought of them? So if you’re thinking, “if only I had that job/ that partner/ that body,” everything would just fall into place and I’d be confident. Spoiler alert: it’s the opposite.
“If only I was skinnier, wealthier, smarter…I’d be more confident!”
Lack of confidence is also rooted in perfectionism. We can quickly get caught up in comparing ourselves to others. For example, we look at our Facebook News Feed and see the fantastic things going on in other people’s lives. We compare “the news feed” to our lives and focus on all the things we lack. We think if we only had those things, we’d be happier. This comparison mindset leads us to believe nothing we ever do will be good enough. Well, it’s all a huge trap and slippery slope. Even if you had what you thought you lacked, you’ll never be satisfied because there is always another level you’ll want to reach. The key is to learn to be comfortable where you are now, take action and create your own unique journey.
Now that we’ve busted some myths about confidence, here’s what you’re probably wondering next: You’ve been confident in the past so why didn’t it stick?!
We’ve all felt confident before, so you know you are capable of it. In fact, there probably was a time you FELT really confident. But over time, that confidence dissipated and it just seemed like a distant memory.
Can you relate to any of these three situations?
- You’ve walked up, spoken to a stranger and had a fantastic conversation. But six months later, you feel paralyzed and can’t do it.
- You’ve successfully spoken to a group of people at work. But now you feel petrified about doing a presentation.
- You’ve received a promotion for all the great work you did. But you feel completely unsure in your job when you are asked to lead a new project.
WHY does this happen? Confidence is a reflection of how you feel on the INSIDE. It’s a feeling and perception that is closely tied to your emotional state. It comes down to having a feeling of abundance (versus scarcity) in your life (whether you have it or not).
If you believe you lack it, you can’t be confident. Your feeling of lack is directly correlated to your lack of confidence. Think about it, what area of life do you not feel confident in? If you had that handled, how would you feel…more confident, yes? If you felt like that wouldn’t it be easier to take the next “leap of faith?”
So now you are wondering, what’s solution? Where is the escape hatch from this self-doubt loop?
Here is your confidence hack. Think of this as “power posing” for your mind. “Act as if…” Act as if you were what you wanted to be ALREADY. What would that person act like? Think? Feel? You aren’t lying to anyone or yourself or making things up. You are assuming you are in abundance and finding authentic ways to act like it to create the evidence you need to feel confident.
You want to approach your boss for a raise. Think, “What would a confident person do and think? They would know their worth to the company and in the market. They would come in prepared. They would fight for a compensation increase.”
You want to meet the person across the room. Think, “How would a confident person approach a stranger? They’d have direct eye contact. They would have great body posture. They’d ask questions, listen, smile and laugh.”
You have to give a presentation to 50 people. Think, “How would a confident person approach this situation? They’d prepare, practice and believe they are the expert on the topic. They’d get the audience involved. They’d show their passion and excitement. They’d have eye contact with the audience.”
An important question to ask yourself right now is: “What am I acting as if will happen in the most important areas of my life?” You will often get what you expect to happen.
Here is your three-step solution:
- Identify one thing you want to happen right now
- Model your thoughts, actions, and feelings of someone who has what you want
- Get the evidence you need to feel confident
So take action and make it real!
