Is Negative Self Talk Natural?

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Your brain is wired for survival, not to make you happy. It’s designed to question everything and be negative.

So negative self-talk is natural and we all do it because its purpose is to keep us safe from harm. But negative self-talk, left unchecked, can leave you feeling as though you aren’t enough, and exacerbate comparison and perfectionism. This can be crippling for your business and career success (and your personal life as well).

It may be subtle, but a negative core belief will have a serious impact on your success and fulfillment in business and life.

Awareness is the first and vital step.

Become aware that this self-talk is going on. Be aware, too, that you are constantly telling yourself something.

You are constantly creating the life you are living right now. You are constantly telling yourself a story. You are constantly thinking about your story. You may even be telling others your story when you complain to them about your life.

If you struggle with negative thoughts and self-sabotage, I recommend checking out The Dialectical Skills Behavior Workbook. It has excellent exercises and techniques to help get around mental challenges and roadblocks.

How to Use Gratitude to Fuel Business Success

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Most people don’t consciously spend time thinking of what they are grateful for and all the blessings in their lives, but gratitude is the gateway to happiness and abundance. It opens a window to positivity and wards off negativity, scarcity, and our fears.

Find a quiet area, close your eyes, take several deep breaths, and think about:

  • A moment in your past that you are deeply grateful. Put yourself back in that moment and visualize it. How did you feel? What about that moment made you feel grateful and thankful? Was this a life-changing moment? What impact did it have on you at the time? Do you still feel the impact today? What would you say to the people who played a role in your grateful moment?
  • Now do this with two additional moments.

I want you to do this exercise so you can feel gratefulness in your life and the impact it can have. Thinking about being grateful is one thing, but feeling it is much more powerful and empowering.

Gratefulness is one of those often-overlooked practices that we let go by the wayside because we’re always eager for more, and in the midst of our desires, we take a lot of things for granted. We’re always comparing ourselves to others and always seeking more of something, whether it’s money, fame, validation, or acceptance.

We overlook things that are already going great in our lives and focus on what’s not there. Whatever you focus on is what you will have.

There is nothing like a gratitude list to remind yourself of what’s great in your life already, and to build up your arsenal to combat negativity and scarcity. When you focus on being grateful, you focus on abundance.

Gratitude is also the key to happiness. There is an incredible amount of research dedicated to showing how powerful being grateful is and how it can impact your happiness. The Greater Good Science Center, based at UC Berkeley, is a leader in the field. I encourage you to check out their website.

In fact, the more grateful you are for things, the more you will find to be grateful for, instead of focusing on what’s missing.

This process starts with your grateful list.

Start with simple things:

  • I am so grateful that I have a roof over my head.
  • I’m so grateful that I have enough to eat.
  • I am so grateful that I’m healthy.
  • I’m so grateful that I have a job.
  • I am so grateful that I have a car.

Focus on what is going great in your life, and try not to get caught up on what you don’t have.

Consider, too, what you may take for granted. A lot of people, for instance, don’t recognize what great health they’re in until they experience a health crisis. When they recover, their health means that much more to them. Include these aspects of your life in your gratitude list. This list is going to be different for everybody. Whatever it is for you, embrace that.

Do your gratitude practice out loud when you first wake up. It’s important to do this out loud. The mind-body connection you make when you declare something out loud makes this practice especially more effective. When I started saying my gratitude list out loud, and I could actually hear what I was grateful for, I got more excited about it and felt a powerful sense of positivity.

List new things every day so you can fully focus your attention, rather than just go through the motions with memorized items. List three things—more if you want to, but no fewer than three. The idea is to make this a daily practice and to stick with it.

Share your gratitude:

Think of two people in your life that you are really grateful for, who helped you with a specific challenge or who were there for you during a difficult time. Now email or write them a card telling them you’re grateful for them, then tell them, specifically, why. You may tell your friends and family you love them often— that’s great. Sharing with them how they’ve impacted your life, exactly what they did to support, motivate, guide, or help you, is even more powerful. It’s one thing to tell someone you love them; it’s another thing to tell them specifically why you love them and what they did for you that you truly appreciate. Try it, and you will see some amazing results!

Your Gratitude Jar:
Here is another way you can create more gratefulness in your life. Buy a jar, and every day write down what you are grateful for on one or two small slips of paper. Put them in the jar and watch the stack grow over time. In December, take out the pieces of paper and read all the amazing things you have been grateful for during the year. Start the process over every January 1st.

Start being more grateful in your life and you’ll see many new possibilities open up. You’ll start feeling more energetic and excited. You’ll start being more successful in every area of your life.

Steve Jobs Quote on Vision

“If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you.” — Steve Jobs

Find things both professionally and personally that get you jazzed and excited.

if you don’t know what that is…you’ve got to experiment. You have try a lot of new things.

Trial and error is the engine for growth, fulfillment, and success.

No one can tell you what will “move you.” You can only do that.

So get curious and trying experimenting this week!

 

How to Use Fear as Your Compass to Fuel Success

We all have fear in our lives, but most of us misunderstand it. Most people try to avoid fear, and they believe it is the opposite of love. That fear is something bad and we should run from it. But that view keeps us trapped. Fear is actually good. It is in our brain and biology to keep us safe from real danger. Fear is also our compass directing us forward. When we embrace fear and use it fuel it allows us to move forward through uncertainty where we can truly grow. Today, we will discuss the two most common fears, failure and rejection, and how to move past them.

Let’s start with the fear of rejection. People often say to me, “I can’t do that. I know that person will reject me or not accept me.” This is exactly the negative mindset so many people have their entire lives. They miss out on so many people and opportunities because they sabotage themselves by creating a fear and pain in their mind that isn’t based on facts or reality. I’ve spoken to a large number of people over the years about their fears, and I’ve found fear is a self-made prison that holds people back.

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Quick Lesson #5: Forgiveness is Unilateral

Forgiveness is a unilateral step, which means that it only takes one person to forgive.  So, this means that you alone are responsible for forgiving or accepting forgiveness. You don’t have to include the other person in the process. That means you are in charge. You hold the ultimate power. So let it go!!!

Quick Lesson #4: 3 Regrets Successful People Have

I was out at dinner last night in Los Angeles with a very good friend from college. We’ve lost touch over the years, but we’ve got a chance to see each, here and there. It’s always nice to see him because we just pick up where we left off.

We were talking about losing touch with people and the power of reaching out and reconnecting.

And there are A LOT of people that never try to reach out again after they haven’t spoken with a friend in a long time.

So I asked myself this morning: Is the fear of reaching out greater than the regret of never doing it?

It’s hard to take the first step. But it is much worse to live with “could of, should of.”

Independently of that conversation, I’ve been asking successful people what their biggest 3 regrets are as they look back over their life.

Hint: it’s not about working more!

Here are the top 3:

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