How We Hold Ourselves Back

In this episode of Quit Bleeping Around®, awesome superachiever, author, and former FBI violent crime analyst and senior manager Christina Eanes interviews superachiever Jason Treu. Jason is an executive coach who works with executives, entrepreneurs, and rising stars to maximize their leadership potential and performance. He is a TEDx speaker where he spoke about a breakthrough team building game, Cards Against Mundanity, as well as the author of Social Wealth, a how-to-guide on building extraordinary business relationships. In this episode, Jason talks about being vulnerable to build quality relationships, how we hold ourselves back, and shares networking secrets.

If you’d like to learn more about Jason, visit his website at JasonTreu.com.

Short Story Long Podcast Appearance (Top 50 Podcast on Apple Podcasts)

It was an honor to be on this fantastic podcast, Short Story Long. Chris “Drama” Pfaff was a star on the hit MTV Show, Rob & Big, and now has a VERY successful apparel and clothing line. His podcast is downloaded more than 500,000 times per month, making it one of the most popular ones on Apple Podcasts. You can listen to it here, watch the video above, and read the transcript below.

In the podcast on Short Story Long we discuss the following:

  • Why understanding your patterns creates massive business breakthroughs
  • How to eliminate your own blind spots and patterns that sabotage your success and your team’s success, and why it is the #1 way to maximize your performance and leadership over every else you can do
  • Why leadership training and development is broken and doesn’t work
  • Why your level of self-awareness is always higher than your social awareness, and that only 5% or less of people are high functioning on the self-awareness scale
  • How to build an extraordinary team with no money, and outflank your competition (even companies 5x or 10X bigger than you).
  • Why Google’s Project Aristotle is the secret to build a great team, holding effective brainstorming and elevating strategic thinking on a team- and company-level
  • Why psychological safety is the foundation for all great teams even though no one really does it other than Google (and how you can do it for free.)
  • And much more…

Jason Treu:                             At the end of the day, if we don’t have some accountability, you screwed.

Speaker 1:                               The hardest part is figuring out what you want to master.

Chris Pfaff:                              Just focus on your product.

Speaker 2:                               Can you tell somebody that they suck?

Chris Pfaff:                              You got to just go for it.

Speaker 3:                               This is exactly I want to do for a living.

Speaker 4:                               You can’t even tell somebody that their breath stick.

Chris Pfaff:                              Okay, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Short Story Long. We have a very special guest today. His name is Jason Treu. Jason, thanks for coming in.

Jason Treu:                             Hey, thanks for having me in the show today.

Chris Pfaff:                              Of course.

Jason Treu:                             Fun to fly out here today and …

Chris Pfaff:                              Did you fly out here just for this?

Jason Treu:                             I had some other things but …

Chris Pfaff:                              Yeah, we’ll say just for this.

Jason Treu:                             Just for this. Just for you.

Chris Pfaff:                              I feel special. Yeah.

Jason Treu:                             You’re so special.

Chris Pfaff:                              Yes. I’m really excited because you are an executive coach and I mean we’ll get into all of it, but I’m really interested in what you do and I think that for me, I’m 31 years old, I’ve had a business for close to 10 years now. I had always obviously heard about coaching and life coaching and executive coaching, all this different stuff and I will say that for a long time, I mean born and raised in Ohio, didn’t go to college and maybe my brain was a little turned off to these things, but I always thought it was just, I don’t know, not for me or didn’t really understand what it even was and whatever. It wasn’t until I actually did an interview with somebody who now is a really good friend of mine named Cavion who does a lot of life coaching type stuff.

Chris Pfaff:                              After his podcast, he said, “Hey man, that was so cool and there was so many people that listened to that. Let me give you a couple sessions for free.” I said, “All right, I’ll do it. I’ll answer whatever questions you asked me, I’ll listen to your advice.” I mean even just his perspective and his outside knowledge on my life and what I’m doing right and wrong was really, really useful and that …

Jason Treu:                             What did you learn?

(more…)

Download Free Jason Treu Podcast Episodes

To improve business performance at least once you should go through the Jason Treu podcast episodes. You can listen simple audio of his podcast. Through this, managers, executives, and entrepreneurs are self-motivated to create their unique identity in the market. His plans will help you to win the challenge. Podcast makes you a better leader, investor, and problem-solver.

How to Use Social Capital to Boost Your Sales

Here is a transcript of an interview I did on the Salesman podcast. It will help increase your sales through building extraordinary relationships. We go into detail on how to exactly do this.

Will: Welcome to the Salesman Podcast where we interview the world’s leading influence, body language, psychology, and sales experts to give you the information you need to close more deals and make more money. Additionally, for sales humor, tutorials, and entertainment type salesman.red into your browser and come visit the world’s largest community of millennial salespeople today. This episode of the Salesman Podcast is sponsored by PhoneBurner. PhoneBurner enables salespeople to reach 447% more customers per hour, and you know the more customers you speak to the more deals you’re going to close. It’s cloud based, so you can call prospects from anywhere. Visit saleman.red/burner to get started today.

 

  Hello Sales Nation. I’m your host Will Barron and welcome to another episode of the Salesman Podcast. This show is all about social capital with our expert, Jason Treu. Just before we dive into that, if you haven’t already go and check out the hashtag #askwillshow where I answer all your sales questions. If you want to ask a question, it’s as simple as going onto Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook and using the hashtag #askwillshow and then ask your question. The show is currently only available exclusively on YouTube, and if you go to salesman.red/askwillshow, that will take you to the latest episode. It will be coming … I know a lot of you guys listen to this podcast on Itunes. It will be coming to Itunes as a podcast in the not too distant future. I just need to do a bit of work around, because obviously it’s a video first show, so there’s some parts where there’s text on the screen and there’s no talking, which obviously on audio wouldn’t work. We need to sort out how to rearrange that and do a bit more production on it. Then it will go into the podcast as well. In the meantime go check it out at salsman.red/askwillshow.

 

  Today we’re talking about social capital and how that can make sales easier for you in the long run. Jason explains what social capital actually is. We look at if it’s normal, salespeople specifically, to have some kind of society. Yeah, it’s true, I do as well. Everyone that I know, even the people who seem the most confident do always have a little bit of social anxiety when you walk into a room and you try and make these social connections and when you try and network with people. It’s the people that either fake it until they make it or the people, like myself, that kind of just squish it into a little ball and just push it down deep inside me and just ignore it that are usually pretty good at building these social connects. Jason is a expert and speaker and teaches people how to create extraordinary relationships in business, life, and love. I reached out to get him on the show originally because his book, Social Wealth, was recommended to me that many times that I couldn’t not have him on the show and pull some value out of his brain to hopefully try and give to you guys. With all that said, without further ado let’s jump into today’s show with Jason. Hi, Jason, and welcome to the Salesman Podcast.

 

Jason: Well, thank you very much for having me on and having me speak with your amazing tribe.

 

Will: You are more than welcome sir. They’ll appreciate that compliment. They love it. We’re going to talk about social capital today and a whole bunch of other stuff. I have a feeling we’re going to get quite deep with some of this. Where I want to start is whether you’re in sales, or this is just in business, or perhaps even your personal life, people … Tell me if this is just the average person or perhaps someone who hasn’t gone slightly deeper into the personal development side of these things, but from my experience and the people I spend time with most people find it difficult to walk into a room, meet someone, hit it off, and start a relationship with that person. Is that normal that that should be quite perhaps even a nerve racking or difficult process, or should that be seamless and an easy job to accomplish?

 

Jason: Every single person has social anxiety. I think every person walking in a room gets nervous. If they tell you they’re not, then they’re not telling you the truth. I’ve spoke to thousands and thousand of people, and every single person … I’ve yet to find a person who told me they don’t have some level of social anxiety when I’ve talked to them 1 on 1 about and asked them questions around it. It’s very normal. Now, if you start to understand, and have a strategy, and a plan, and create the right habits, you can be very successful, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. I think a lot of times people who are introverted think, “There’s no way I could do this better than someone who’s very outgoing.” The truth is that you can. Many times you can do it much better than an extrovert can.

 

Will: Okay. Well, we’ll come on to introverts and extroverts in a little bit. Before we look at the strategy, and the plan, and the habits, is there like a definition of social anxiety? Is there a way to describe it or is it just something that’s different for every person?

 

Jason: I think it’s a little different. I think it’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach or just getting nervous being around people and not knowing what to say or do, because we do care what other people think of us. I think that rejection mindset comes in as well. You’re walking in a room full of people that you don’t know, and you want to feel comfortable around it and you want to be accepted by people. I think you can notice some physical manifestations as well as things going on in your mind that cause you to feel nervous, or to sweat, or your heart beating faster. Again, that’s every single person, so if you’re feeling like that, you’re not alone.

 

Will: Yeah. Well, I guess that’s the first point and that’s a powerful one. The person that you want to go and speak to, they might want to speak to you as well, but they’re feeling exactly what you’re feeling.

 

Jason: That’s the way that you need to think about it, because you can think about it either way, but you don’t have the facts to support either side of it, so you might as well walk in and have a positive mindset that everyone there wants to meet you, and you’d be doing them a service if you go and speak to them, rather than the other way. Again, you don’t know what they’re thinking. Factually you don’t know, so you might as well go in, because you’ll be mush more successful if you walk in with that sort of mindset.

 

Will: You mentioned a rejection mindset then. What do you mean by that exactly?

 

Jason: Well, a lot of people walk in a room and our mind goes to a negative bias, because that’s just how we have mindsets and that’s just how it goes in our head.

 

Will: Why do you think it goes like that? [inaudible 00:06:33]

 

Jason: Oh, there’s physical and there’s biological things that go on at that point. It’s also a lot of survival mechanisms that kick in, the trying to keep you safe. What happens is a lot of times people will go in a room and they’ll think in their head, “Well, that person may not like me for x, y, and z reasons,” or, “They look like they’re smart.” People will just come up with whatever stories they can in that walking into that room, and they don’t want to put themselves out to be rejected. It’s just something I think that’s a natural inclination, because that reject opens you up for hurt. Your mind is trying to keep you safe. Right? The reality is is that’s not a real safety. Right? Back in caveman days when all this stuff would happen [crosstalk 00:07:23].

 

Will: Nobody in the room’s going to club you over the head with a [crosstalk 00:07:27].

 

Jason: Right? Our brain has not advanced from that point, so that survival mechanisms just keep coming in, and you have to interrupt those patterns.

 

Will: I mean, let’s touch on the practical side of this. I don’t want to stay on this point for the whole show, but now that we’ve got into it I think it is interesting. Something that I do technically I guess is when I walk into a room, whether it be a party or a business situation, I just approach someone within like the first 5 or 10 seconds and then just do whatever comes and jump into a conversation. Then it’s way less awkward to go from one conversation to another than it is to walk around and then try and find someone when you’ve been in there a couple of minutes and everyone else has seen you walking around. Are there any other practical aspects that we can touch on that will relieve some of that weird social pressure that we all get?

 

Jason: I like to do some affirmations before I walk into a room. I think that often helps. You know? As your walking in, “Everyone here wants to meet me. People love when they have opportunity to interact with me. I’m very social. I love talking to people. Every time I talk to someone I’m adding value.” If you think about those things when you go in, you’re much more excited, but I agree that you should start talking to … when you enter a place you should start talking to the maitre d’, the valet. I don’t care who it is, because once you start talking you get out of your head. That’s where social anxiety creeps up, when you start getting into your head. When you’re talking you can’t be in your head. Right? You can’t be in 2 places at 1 time, so if you’re talking, you’re focused external to you, which is to your always betterment when it comes to social anxiety.

 

  I love to do that. You can just walk by people and literally say, “Hi,” and not have any conversation with them either as well if you don’t want to. Initially, at least most of the times you’re checking into a room or you’re checking into an event or things like that, just talking to people in the line. Ask them questions like, “How’s the weekend going for you? How’s the week going? What’s on your agenda? How’d you happen to see about this? Why are you coming?” You can ask them literally anything at that point the just to keep a conversation starting to flow with other people.

 

Will: Yeah. Thinking about it, Jason, I guess once you initiate that conversation the pressure is then off you and on the other person, whether that’s a good thing or bad thing, socially to give you an answer back. Isn’t it?

 

Jason: Yes.

 

Will: It would be extremely rude for someone to just give you a 1 word answer and then turn around.

 

Jason: Yeah. People just don’t do that. I mean, I’ve talked to hundreds of thousands of people, and that doesn’t happen. People will respond to you and at least spend a little bit of time talking to you. It doesn’t really matter what happens in those first initial conversations. Right? You don’t really want to talk to people for that long to begin with, because more things can go wrong than right the longer the conversation goes on. You want to go into the conversations and try to start building rapport, likability , and trust with people when you’re having initial conversations with people. Initial ones where you should have when you’re walking in a room you just want to get warmed up so you don’t get into social anxiety so the rest of the time that you’re in there you’re building something that’s going to be substantial when you walk out the door and try to get contact information from people and start to build a plan for how you’re going to follow up, et cetera.

 

Will: Okay. I’m glad we covered that. I want to come back to that in a little bit. I want to take a step out and a step … a bigger picture here and talk about this idea of social wealth and social capital for salespeople specifically. Tell me if you think I’m on the right or wrong track here, but it seems to be to me that the genuinely epic and high quality salespeople that I know … I’m 28, to put things into perspective as well for you and some of the listeners. The people I know that are absolutely extraordinary at selling who are perhaps in their 50s, 60s, 70s, seemingly all that they’ve done … All they’ve done is the wrong way of putting it, but they’ve built a great network of people in powerful places that they go back to over and over and over who then give them introductions and it’s all referral business, and they’ve become successful from that.

 

  The people that I know who are doing excellent and really succeeding in sales who are my age and younger don’t seem to have those connections. All their interactions seems to be 1 offs or they’ll do business a couple of times form people, and then they’ll focus on prospecting elsewhere. Is this something that you see as a split when you’re talking about building social wealth between perhaps millennials and generations that are a bit older, or is this just what I’ve observed, which doesn’t relate to the wider context of thing?

 

Jason: I think that what’s happened is you’re seeing … Older people didn’t have the internet and the web. They had to do things to meet people, because they wouldn’t have any connectivity with anyone else. Now we have more online and offline, or more online than before, so I think that clouds the situation a little bit. I think relationships take time with people, so they have more relationships because they’re older, and they’ve spent a lot more years in the trenches doing what they’re doing.

 

Will: That’s a great point that I didn’t even think of.

 

Jason: I think that that also is going to really matter. I think one of the challenges is is that when we always forget one of the most valuable things in why you talk to everyone, whether you’re in a line at Starbucks, whether you’re in a line at the grocery store, whether … I don’t care where you’re at. Every single person has a network behind them. Every single person has a LinkedIn network that has all these contacts that you can be accessing. It’s very valuable for you to start building a relationship with every person you meet. You don’t know who they know. Right? I bet, for most people listening to this, every person you know has a contact in their LinkedIn network that would be valuable for you to meet, at least 1. There’s probably many. That’s just 1 avenue to go about it, but you can actually look into that online and see that yourself and get the proof of that. You just always got to remember that. The key thing is always to be adding value to people. I think that’s something that when you talk to successful salespeople they’re adding exceptional value for people. It’s not only professional value. They understand what people need, and they help them get those resources, whatever they may be.

 

Will: How important is that then, that particular point you just made then of understanding that you’re dealing with a person who has just lots of general needs, and personal needs, as well as businesses needs versus only trying …? I guess another question is is it appropriate to try and serve the needs of the person when it’s a business relationship?

 

Jason: 100% yeah. I mean, I think that when I ask a question to people early on, right when I meet them, I ask them, “What are you passionate about? What products are you working on that you’re passionate about in your life?” Ultimately everything that we do is about our emotional needs. That is why we get up in the morning. That is why you’re doing this podcast show. That is why you’re living the life that you live, because an emotion response. Until you can tap into someone’s emotions, you will never be able to build a deep relationship with them. Right? That’s how you have inner circle people who are really close to you, because emotionally they love and care about you. Well, you can start that relationship the first moment you meet someone. You don’t need to wait 5 conversations later and talk a bunch of small talk to have to get there. That’s just what people perceive the path has to be, but it’s not the actual path you have to go on, because I don’t do that. It’s really helped me build some incredible relationships with people.

 

  Just last summer I was looking in my Facebook friends. People were telling me, “Oh, Jason. You know all these people, but you probably just have a bunch of service level friends.” I was like, “Okay. Let me go through my Facebook friends, and I’ll ask a simple question, “Do I believe that that person would say they love me?” That’s it, yes or no. I went through my Facebook, and I’m pretty critical. I went through there, and I didn’t go through all of them, and I found at least 100 people that would say that. That to me says I built some connections with people that are pretty substantial and a lot of them. Why can’t other people do that? It’s just a mindset and choices people are making along the way.

 

Will: I love this. You mentioned then that most people will go through a certain amount of steps before they’ll talk about things like passion for example. I totally agree that that is very similar to one of the questions I always ask people to cut all the crap essentially and find out who they really are as a person. On a practical aspect then, are there any of the questions that you use regularly that listeners can start throwing into the beginning of their conversations rather than near the end of them, like what are you passionate about? Are there any of the leading questions like that that drag the person’s true personality into the conversation, rather than just the pitch or the response that they would usually give in a business conversation.

 

Jason: Yeah. What do you love to do in your free time? What gets you excited? I mean, what gets you really excited? You want to ask very emotional level charged words in the conversation. The great thing about asking what people are passionate about is then you follow up with that next after that, so are you having any challenges around your passions? Do you need any help with them at all? Then what happens is you can understand if there’s a way for you to help them. If you can help someone with their deepest emotional needs, they will start putting you psychologically in their inner circle immediately, even though you’re an acquaintance and you just knew them. They’ll think about you in similar ways as they would their best friends immediately.

 

  If you’re a salesperson, you’re immediately at a point where going to be receptive to starting to hear what you have to say, more so than they will with anything else you can lead with. People there at that point you built rapport with them with the words that your using. I think that’s a very critical and key thing is people want to be around people that add exceptional value to their life and that give first, because people who give first are who? People in their inner circle, because they don’t keep a score card. I think that’s a real important point to think about and understand. Think about it. Your best friends, your partner in your life, your family, they don’t keep a scorecard. They give to you without keeping track. Well, when you give first you’re telling someone that.

 

Will: Okay. I totally agree with what your saying here. This concept of giving first can sometimes get a bit weird with salespeople when their following some formal sales path or pipeline that’s been given to them by sales management and sales directors. Is there away around this through …? I’m trying to put it into context for a salesperson, because everything you said works great if you’re just at a party, but if you’re in a B2B sale, what would be adding value in giving first in that? Would it be critiquing the problem that you potentially think that the prospect has and giving some free feedback and advice, or are there any other angles on that?

 

  Just before we jump back into the Salesman Podcast I want to tell you about today’s sponsor, PhoneBurner. PhoneBurner is a productivity boosting application specifically designed for salespeople to remove some of the boring and time consuming parts of the sales cycle. It allows you to automatically leave voice mails and instantly send follow up emails depending on the outcome of your call. PhoneBurner enables salespeople to reach 447% more customers per hour, and as you know the more customers you speak to the more deals you’re going to close. It even tells you when prospects open their emails and view attachments, so you can follow up promptly. It’s cloud based, and so you can call prospects from anywhere. If you want to become a more efficient salesperson, visit salesman.red/burner to get started today.

 

Jason: Could do that. Right? I think the other thing too, I have a few friends of mine who are absolutely killing it in sales. They go in and early on in the conversation will tell the prospect everything wrong with their product. They will actually take all the warts out, so they remove all the objection. The people moving foreword now … A lot of times in a sales situation people are trying to find the holes and poke the holes through. A couple of my friends, ad this is really interesting … They’re really, really successful, and they do this. It’s actually very unusual, because I really have not heard many people talk about this. They’ll go in and literally … One person sells commercial real estate and the other person is in technology sales, software sale and will go in and literally talk about that. That’s a strategy you can use that’s been extremely effective with some people that I’ve seen. Again, I think adding value wherever you can with people. Right?

 

  I mean, maybe you go into an organization and you give them a white paper, you say, “Hey. This is something I’ve worked on that may help in your business.” You might also just be a little business strategic and find out how’s the business going? What are the real challenges you’re having in the business? Then just sit down and try to get them some business advice. I always like to make it more personal, because I think when you have a more personal connection with people in the process it’s just really something you can always do. You can ask anyone you’re going in and talking about, “What’s on your agenda this week? Do you have any trips planned for the summer?” Start to get in some personal things rather than just diving into the business. You can ask them questions. “What are you passionate about in your life? I really like to try to get to know my clients and really try to understand who they are and what makes them up, so I just love that to be able to find a little bit of information about you, and what are you passionate about?” I mean, that’s not out of line. That’s not something that someone couldn’t or shouldn’t do.

 

  I’ve got clients of my own that do this all the time, and it works just like a charm every single time. I’ve never had a person tell me that they couldn’t bring it up and had a problem with it. In fact the opposite happens. They love it so much that … They’re giving clients books. They’re giving clients contacts that have nothing to do with the business. People are so happy because it’s something they absolutely love that they’re more receptive to hearing what’s going on in the sales cycles, because they’re like, “Okay. I’ve got to buy form this guy or woman, because I really like them.” That’s way easier.

 

Will: Yeah. It’s almost uncanny, Jason, what we’re discussing here, so just to add some context to the sales side of things for listeners I’ll tell you a little bit about our sales process for a mini kind of start up that we’re running over at salesman.red at the moment. We’ve grown salesman.red from 0 to a quarter of a million pages a month in the last 6 months by just creating great content. I was getting asked more and more and more of companies that were in the salesman industry whether we could consort on their content, provide content for them. I’ve set up a mini … Some listeners may know about this from different things I’ve blogged about recently, but I’ve set up a mini business. We’ve set up a couple writers to just work on this for the moment. Our prospecting has essentially gone along the lines of what we’re discussing of. I will send out an email with a report that we’ve put together on a specific company’s website. We list all the problems with their blog. We tear it absolutely to shreds.

 

  That then usually gets us a call, whether they want to tell us they hate us for telling them all what’s wrong with it, or whether their happy that someone’s given them all this free value. They could just go and fix it all themselves, and never speak to us again, and have a way better blog, and product, and platform to sell from. They’ve got that value up front, which is what we mentioned. The first thing I do when I get them on the phone is dive into what the kind of questions that we’ve dove into about what are you really passionate about? What would you rather be doing right now than being on the phone with me and having to discuss all these small problems that add up into being potentially big problems? Then they start telling me about …

 

  One guy is into wakeboarding. He’s got his own boat, lives at the back of a lake. He’s the CEO of a reasonably sized CRM company, but he still does a lot of the blogging. Then once I know that, my pitch becomes simple of, “Let us blog for you. We’ve got all the evidence that were, without being blowing our own trumpet, but we are pretty good at it. We’ve got all this data from our website of what works, and titles, and pictures, and images on Facebook for the sales industry. Let us do all that so you can go and do more wakeboarding.” Put it in that perspective and it’s an absolute no brainer for him.

 

Jason: Yes. I love it.

 

Will: We didn’t talk about any of this before we started recording, so I’m really glad you just confirmed that our sales process isn’t crazy, because it’s something that we’ve come up with with trial and error over the past few weeks of experimenting with us.

 

Jason: Yeah. No. I love it. I think it’s fantastic. You’re adding exceptional value, and the thing about it is you’re going to find the people that want the help and that are going to fall in line in the sales cycle for you that are really happy to get that content, and you start at a great place, because you’re giving first. You’re showing them that you can provide great feedback, and you get what’s going on, and you can produce it. You take away a lot of the objections that they may have ahead of time as well, because they’ve got live feedback and product. They can see your writing. They can see everything else, which I think is fantastic.

 

Will: Cool. Okay. The final think I want to touch on, Jason, before we go into the questions we ask everyone who comes on the show is whether you need to have rapport with someone to build a relationship with them or whether you need to build a relationship before you can get that deeper rapport? To me it seems a bit of a chicken and an egg situation. This all ties in with the world of influence as well of do you need rapport before you can have influence, or do you need to have some kind of influence to build rapport in the first place? We haven’t really touched on this. Is there a step by step process to building a really deep relationship with a prospect, or is it a little bit more up in the air, and is it a little bit more you have to find and feel as you go along?

 

Jason: I think it’s you have to have a plan. You have to build rapport. I mean, rapport is … You have to build rapport. You have to build likability, you’ve got to build trust. Rapport is really the key first step. You have to find common ground with people. You have to get into their emotional state, which is the key place to get into with someone else. I think you do that through partly asking the questions we’ve talked about. The other thing that can help too is mirroring and matching someone else. It’s a lot, because most of communication is non-verbal, so having the ability to mirror and match someone is something that also helps quite a bit. Mirroring their tone of voice, their body movements, their personal space, their gestures. I mean, in some level people who are really successful can actually mirror someone’s how they breath, which is way more difficult. All that stuff really helps in a conversation and to build rapport a lot quicker with someone else.

 

  We always try to find … We like to do business with people that we like. Right? We do that with people that we believe are similar to who we are or who we want to be in our life. The opposite holds true as well. You want to go in there and build rapport with your words as well as your actions. It will really make a substantial difference. You will be able to do that really quickly. You can do that on the phone as well by using words and the exact words that the other person uses to describe their problem or situation in. There’s a lot of that stuff that you can do that will help you build rapport with someone really quickly. If you don’t, I mean, it just won’t really work. You’ve met people where you’ve hit it off, and you have that connection, that spark. You can create that almost every single time you meet people if you actually go in there and do what we’ve been talking about.

 

Will: We haven’t got time to dive into all those specifically, Jason. We’ll have you back on to talk more about them. In the meantime, are there any books, or resources, or even podcasts that you can recommend for people who want to learn more about those hard skills of mirroring for example?

 

Jason: You know? I can’t remember the person who … Actually it’s Dr. Eric, and I forgot his last name, that’s the found of really going into that as a psychologist, or a psychiatrist I believe. He is probably the founder and a great person to really take a look in it. I don’t know if there’s like 1 resource that I would 100% … I think if you just educate yourself on the topic, you can get pretty good at it. You just got to practice it and that’s it. In the beginning it’s going to be harder. Again, I think with mirroring a lot of times people think, “Well, I got to mirror every movement.” No. You can have it be delayed. It’s just you want to be able to start following it, because what happens if you do it properly, you can get people … once you pace with them, then you can lead. You can actually start doing something. When you’re in really good rapport with people they basically follow each other. You’ll notice it if you watch people, and I do, because I want to understand dynamics, human behavior. That’s one thing that if you do it correctly, that’s when you know people are in rapport.

 

Will: Definitely. This might sound really sad to yourself and listeners, but when I’m out with my girlfriend, we’re out at a meal or out for a drink or whatever, we will often sit and if there’s other couples around try to sauce out how long they’ve known each other or where they are in their relationships from just their body language. You can always tell people that … There seems to be several stages of when it’s a bit awkward, when they’re in this honeymoon period where they’re gazed into each other’s eyes constantly an d they’re both leaning in, and then perhaps a little bit later on, and then you can tell later on after that when they’re still, as you described it, they’re in sync of each other. There’s something there that it seems almost a tangible effect that’s happening when one will shift the one will shift. I find it fascinating to watch.

 

Jason: Yup. You can do that. The key thing is you can do that initially to someone in a sales cycle if you just start doing that, and it will make a big difference. If someone’s moving their hand gesture and they take their hand gesture in the air and they move it, when you answer back you want to do the same movement, because it starts to build familiarity and commonality with someone. That will help them be more receptive to listening to you, and wanting to get to know you, and then getting an opportunity to talk about why you’re there.

 

Will: Good stuff. Well, Jason, I’ve got a couple of questions of questions for you that I ask everyone that comes on the show. The first one is who do you think is the world’s greatest salesperson?

 

Jason: Wow. I’m trying to think. One of the people that I think is … Well, a couple people I think is I’ve seen sell is …. Tony Robins I think is absolutely fantastic, Steve Jobs, and I’m not a pop political person, but Bill Clinton I think is absolutely amazing in the way that he’s able to build rapport with people. I met someone. He was a republican strategist who absolutely didn’t like Bill Clinton, but he said, “The 10 minutes I spent with Bill Clinton I absolutely loved him.”

 

Will: Sure. All 3 of those people … I’ve obviously never met any of them, but I’ve watched plenty of video on them to see how they’re doing things and to analyze it from a analytical perspective. I fee like I know them slightly just from watching the video, so it’s a skill that transfers beyond just being in the room as well, isn’t it?

 

Jason: Yes. It does. I had an opportunity to work with Steve Jobs for a while and was in the room. It was pretty amazing to see how he worked, but more importantly how much time he spent preparing for every presentation he had to do when launching Apple products. He had a whole process and thing that he went through that really helped him connect with the audience. I think that’s what we don’t understand a lot of times. A lot of great leaders, there’s a lot of preparation when they’re going to speak and meet with people. They don’t just go in it blindly and just hope it goes well. They’re actually practiced, rehearsed, and they know what to do step by step.

 

Will: Definitely. Definitely. Steve Jobs in particular, his presentations were so effortless that it almost looked like he hadn’t prepared and he was just naturally that chilled.

 

Jason: Yeah, but the thing is he prepared that much, so therefore he looked like that.

 

Will: Yeah. I’ve got 1 final question for you. This is one I ask everyone that comes on the show. If you could go back in time, Jason, and speak to your younger self, what would be 1 piece of advice you’d give him to help him become a better salesman?

 

Jason: That every reason that you’re not successful today starts inside of you. Until you get yourself unstuck and deal with the issues and challenges you have, you won’t be able to execute in the real word and make things happen.

 

Will: Wow. We could dive into that last point for another hour I think.

 

Jason: At least.

 

Will: To wrap up the show here I want you to tell us a little bit about your book, because I know it’s had an absolute ton of excellent reviews, and I’ve had a couple people recommend it to me. I want you to tell us a little bit about the coaching and other services that you offer as well.

 

Jason: Sure. What about my book? My book’s called Social Wealth, and it’s on Amazon. It’s been number 1 in like 4 categories. It’s done well, sold like 30,000 copies of the book since last September. It’s really a how to guide on how to build extraordinary relationships, personal and professional. I really break down how to do it, because I found that a lot of the relationship books, or really every one out there, doesn’t really get into the nitty gritty details of where do you go ? How do you meet people? What do you say? I get into a little bit of the non-verbal communication to help people as well, and then also personally and professionally to get you moving forward and to understand the psychology behind it, as well as how to execute it. It’s more of a step by step blueprint. I think it resonates with people because I wanted to create a book where someone would never have to speak to me, yet they could start creating extraordinary relationships in their life and have it.

 

  I am a business and executive coach, so I work with people. They’re either entrepreneurs, experts, or executive level people. I have some clients that are director level, vice president, all the way up to clients in the C level suite. People are stuck in their lives. They don’t know where they want to go next. The passion has gone out of their life perhaps or they just want to blaze an incredible trail forward in their life, and they want to know how to do it. Hard work will get you part of the way there, but these skill sets of having influence, charisma, relationship building, leadership, et cetera are skills that are learned. You have to learn them. There’s a process and structure to go about it. When you can do those things amazing things in your life can open up.

 

Will: Wow. Jason, absolutely love it mate. With that I just want to thank you for your time today. I know the audience will have appreciated it as well, and I want to thank for coming on the Salesman Podcast.

 

Jason: Well, great. Well, thank you very much, and I appreciate again the opportunity to speak with your amazing people.

 

 

How did we do?

If you rate this transcript 3 or below, this agent will not work on your future orders

 

Invest In Yourself Not To Grow More But To Contribute More

Had a great time on this podcast with Jamie Newman. It’s called Your Best Manager. You can click to listen or check out the show notes below to see what we discussed.

Jason Treu Interview Notes:

2:04 Jason Treu’s Career Path
Jason talks about how a simple interview question during his pursuit of a great job out of college led him to do something different… something that would lead to happiness.
4:07 The Trap of Success in Pursuing Happy
5:21 When you have success, how easy is it to take the next risk?
6:01 Don’t Successful People Have Resources?
7:11 “The problem is, we live in a world in which asking for help, investing in yourself, being curious and learning… are not qualities that are prized and that are not put up high enough today. With the millennial generation, it’s definitely changing at some level but it still is not significant. …All the skill sets you’re going to need to be successful are all learned behaviors and if you don’t have them today in your arsenal… that’s why 90% of the managers out there, probably even more than that, are operating at a very low level, in my opinion, for the success that they could be having.”
8:01 How important is the change you are looking for?
9:10 In order to change, there is a level of pain that you need to be in.
“There’s two places to come from when you want to change and that’s either; One, you’re in a massive level of pain or two, you’re in a generative state, meaning you want to generate some action and you are willing to do what it takes to get there because the path ahead is so compelling.”
12:05 “The key is, you’ve got to invest in yourself and be in a constant state of learning and being curious and not have an ego that says, ‘I know more than you do’”
12:25 Ego Is The Enemy, by Ryan Holiday
12:56 What if you’re not in pain? How do you find that reason to change?
Growth, “I want to do better” vs Contribution, “I want to make an impact”
16:15 The “What If” Project
What if I do?
What if I don’t?
17:10 It’s all about perspective
19:06 Having Resources VS Being Resourceful
“You have to ask for help when you need it, but you’ve also got to put money in the bank before you do it”
TIP: Become a connector and start making introductions within your network
21:39 “You’re one interaction away from getting everything you want, you just don’t know what interaction that is. The key is, you’ve got to leverage people because people are what make the world go round. It’s not business, it’s not money, it your social capital that is the most important capital on this earth.”
23:18 Vulnerability and Sharing Your Story
There is tremendous power to build relationships through sharing personal information
23:58 36 Questions to Bring You Closer Together (Study by Arthur Aron – Psychology Today Article)
26:39 “Belonging is in our DNA”
29:44 Two books related to networking and relationship building
Social Wealth: How to Build Extraordinary Relationships by Transforming the Way We Live, Love, Lead and Network, by Jason Treu
Never Eat Alone: And Other Sectrets to Success, One Relationships at a Time, by Keith Ferrazzi
30:16 Who was Jason Treu’s Best Manager?
Jason talks about the ownership he took to find opportunities to learn from many of his managers and pursue personal development through independent investment.
31:15 How do you really get to know people?
33:06 Soft Skills vs. Performance vs. IQ
35:09 Are you a memorable manager?
35:39 What’s Exciting Jason Treu today?
Jason will be speaking at TedX soon & “Cards of Connection”
Jason is also starting some new group coaching and starting another book

Pin It on Pinterest