Here’s a good article to spur a discussion on the difference between giving, taking and matching. It’s focused on parenting, but it can be equally applied in the workplace.
Adam Grant has an excellent book on this topic, Give and Take, I read it many years ago when it first came out. I’ve also have the privilege to speak to Adam several times over the years.
The key with giving is to have boundaries and priorities. Then you can give freely without the burden of a certain set of expectations.
Why does this matter? Building great relationships is like a bank account. You have to make deposits before you can make withdrawals. So when you lead with giving you can speed up the relationship building process.
The challenge can be not everyone will reciprocate. But there is no way to know that before you do an act of giving.
Self-sacrifice by harming yourself or allowing yourself to be taken advantage isn’t generosity. It’s actually selfish & self-inflicting pain.
Selflessness isn’t the issue. That obviously can be good. It’s the application of selflessness.
Comparison is the thief of job & saboteur of success. Remember to swim in your own lane.
Why? Because worrying about what others are doing won’t help you and will demotivate you.
It also puts you in a scarcity mindset and you tend to look at the world in terms of a finite set of resources (ie someone has to win and someone has to lose).
What can you do? Here are two specific things.
Acknowledge that other people have a different skills than you or that they have knowledge that could benefit you. A 2018 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that people who think, “This person has a view on an issue that I’m dealing with,” enjoy better mental health than those who think, “This person is better able to achieve the task than I am.”
What information does that person have that could be helpful to me?
What I can learn from this individual?
What knowledge, ideas, or areas of expertise does this individual have that could be valuable to me?
Rather than judge people, stay curious. Look for opportunities to learn and you’ll start to see that other people aren’t necessarily better or worse than you–they’re just different.“
